High Vibe Life: Ali Migliore
I’ve known February’s featured high-vibe professional, Ali Migliore, for almost two years now, so when I was thinking about who to bring on the blog for some love Q & A, I didn’t even hesitate.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for Ali, not just because she has built an incredibly successful business, but also because she is a gem in the world of matchmaking in that she sincerely cares for her clients and has a true, innate passion for helping people find love. We live in a world where human connection seems to dwindle as our capacity to integrate technology in our lives increases. What Ali has created brings finding love back to the basics in a refreshing and deeply personal way.
Ali has successfully been matchmaking high-caliber, relationship-minded clients since 2005, which has lead to countless long-term relationships, engagements, marriages and children. Ali created Simply Matchmaking, which has been recognized as the Puget Sound's #1 Matchmaking Firm, to give single men and women a customized matchmaking experience that eliminates the online aspect of today’s dating world and takes an honest approach to traditional dating by deeply getting to know every member within their network.
Sarah Farris: What advice would you give someone who wants to make sure they have positive and confident energy as they go on a date, especially if nerves are an issue?
Ali Migliore: I think how you present yourself on the outside will impact how you feel on the inside. Your inner confidence will come out if you feel really good about yourself on the outside, but it looks different for every person. For me, if I was going on a first date, I am a girly-girl, so I’d do my hair, makeup, and wear heels; I would want to feel as beautiful as possible. For other people, I don’t recommend that if that’s not them--do whatever you need to do to feel most comfortable in your own skin.
Whatever you wear to work, don’t wear it on a date. If you are coming from work and are particularly stressed, that will come across and it will look like you’re coming to an interview, not a date. Pick an outfit that you don’t associate with work so you won’t feel like you need to be in professional-mode.
If you are particularly stressed, try to arrive early. If you hit traffic or have an especially bad day at work, that energy will be lingering, so showing up early gives you time to settle in, use the restroom, etc.
Pick a seat that is not facing the entire venue because you might be distracted, your eyes might wander and that might come across as you being disinterested or not confident. By arriving early and picking your seat, you can set the tone of the date (i.e if you sit in the bar or lounge you can sit next to your date versus across from them, this will avoid the job interview vibe). If you drink alcohol and the date is in the evening, order a drink and have a few sips--let yourself settle in before your date arrives.
SF: What do you think is the number one thing people do on a date that totally kills the vibe?
AM: The number one vibe-killer is when it feels like a work meeting or a job interview and you feel like you’re sitting across the table from a colleague versus being on a date. People often treat first dates like an interview where they blast questions at a person and talk about work nonstop. The best first date is when work doesn’t even come up until the second hour of the date so it’s more organic and you have a chance to explore other interesting pieces of conversation first.
Your energy and vibe are also so important--be mindful if you’re coming from work because you can carry that stress. Be the person your family and friends know you to be--your date doesn’t want to see that serious, professional side right away. The number one complaint about dates we hear at Simply Matchmaking is when people cannot switch gears and recognize that this is a date. If you know you have that tendency, focus on pulling out the fun and lighthearted parts of your personality.
SF: You've set up many happy couples who have gone on to get married and start families. What do you think the keys are to staying happy in a marriage?
AM: I am nine months pregnant as of next week and my husband and I have been talking quite a bit about what happens when the baby comes and how that will change our relationship. We’ve decided that, no matter what, our relationship will be our number one priority. We both come from divorced parents and the problems we saw growing up were that work took over, the dog took over, the kids took over and became priority and our parents lost their sense of partnership. Continue to treat your partner as your number one so they come before the kids and everything else. If the marriage falls apart you could do damage to your children anyway.
Continue to date one another--some people have more time and flexibility to do this than others. People who have a lot of time will maybe schedule a date night every Wednesday and go out to dinner.
If you can’t manage a weekly thing, perhaps once per month go for a walk together because that’s all the time you have and you don’t want the financial commitment of dinner. Maybe on a Sunday night you get into bed early, unplug from devices, and just talk to each other.
Another part of staying happy in a marriage is checking in with your partner and recognizing that the person you marry and what their needs are at that time are very different than their needs five, 10, 20 years down the road and you have the choice to grow together or grow apart. Grow with the person you married or are in partnership with, continue to learn about them and what their needs are. My husband does totally different things for me now than he did six years ago--now I just want to relax on the couch and back then I wanted to go on all of these amazing dates! Never stop getting to know each other.
SF: Let's switch gears and talk about breakups. I think there's value in giving yourself space to process and grieve the end of a relationship, but at what point do you need to move on? What's the best piece of advice for moving on post-breakup you've heard?
AM: A few things--
A. Give yourself time, especially if you feel like you’ve been burned or you’re trying to get back at your ex. A lot of people want instant revenge and hop on Tinder or post all over social media to show that they’re moving on or the “Screw you, I’m doing great and found somebody better” approach...I think it’s not the smartest thing. Take time for yourself after a breakup--the amount of time is really up to each individual.
B. Do some self-reflection. Think through what was great about that relationship. What elements of that relationship do you want to repeat? What characteristics of that person do you like or not like? Write it all down so you can reference your list when you are dating someone new and be reminded of what went wrong last time.
Breakups today are so different than they were even ten years ago because of social media. If you end amicably, fine, remain friends on social. But, if there’s anything you think is going to hold you back, make you too emotional, or feel compelled to be a little stalker-ish, I think cutting ties on social media is a smart thing to do. Your presence on social media post-breakup can really affect your own journey and your ability to move forward in life.
SF: What advice would you give the person who feels like they fall into the trap of always dating the same type of people even if they appear to be totally different at first?
AM: The heart wants what the heart wants. Everyone is responsible for their own choices--everything in life is choice. You can write down your list and look at it morning, noon, and night, but it’s your choice to abide by it and follow through with it. Everyone will reach the point in life where they are ready to date the right kind of person for them if they have a pattern for dating the wrong person.
There is not a friend or family member who can direct you to that--you have to want it for yourself and be strong enough to make that choice. If you hold out for the right person and wait for the one who meets what you wrote down on your list, you can pay closest attention to what you do not want to repeat. You’ll never find someone with everything on your list, so stay focused on what’s most important to you.
SF: In a world of millions of online dating platforms, why should people consider working with a matchmaker?
AM: I can only speak to Simply Matchmaking because I’ve never worked for another matchmaking company. Simply Matchmaking is a personalized experience and the value of working with a matchmaker at Simply Matchmaking is that you know there are people at our firm who are going to sit down and deeply get to know you. They’re going to learn all about who you are as a person (think surface level like degrees, lifestyle, hobbies) to tell me about your past relationships--why it ended, what about it was good?
You’ll set your preferences (age range, personalities you jive with best), deal breakers, ethnicity, etc. It’s a very personalized experience of getting to know you. Our biggest focus is on quality dates over quantity--we are not a dating service. With online dating, there are millions of platforms like you said, so eliminating the amount of dates you have to go on to find the people who are compatible for you is our goal.
We still have a lot of people who come to us and want to pay a lot of money and go on tons of dates, but do you really want to do that? You pay us to sift through the pool for you and find mutually agreeable criteria. For example, if you want kids and find someone on Tinder, you may go on dates for two months before you realize your goals are not aligned. That’s one of the benefits of working with a matchmaker--we’re not going to waste your time with people who are not compatible or are not seeking the same things as you.
Religion is a big one--if there’s a certain religion you are not open to--let’s say you’re Catholic but seeking a Jewish man--we would take all of that into consideration. We go into the past. For example, if your ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic, we’ll avoid someone who leans a little heavy on the drinking. The benefit for you is that you put your valuable energy into spending time with people who are hopefully going to be a better fit for you versus whomever you’d meet online. It’s so easy to go on multiple dates with people you meet online and you can really get burnt out.
The last piece that I’ll add to this--and again, this is only speaking to my experience with Simply Matchmaking--is that the thing we hear our clients love the most about working with us is the specific feedback they get after each date. If you go on a date with someone from Match.com and you had an awesome time and you follow up with a text, call, etc. but the person ghosted you, you’ll never know what happened or how you can improve next time. [Note: If your’re not familiar, ghosting essentially means the person you’ve been dating and/or speaking to just disappears out of thin air without any explanation.]
We’re here to coach people, not just set them up on dates, so we’ll pass along constructive feedback from your date. We’re not here to hurt feelings, we’re here to help. People will consistently share with us that the feedback they received was life-changing and incredibly helpful. They learn so much about themselves through the experience and they can even apply that feedback to everyday life, not just in their dating life. These things could annoy friends or colleagues but you’d only know about it because someone called it out on a date and we were able to graciously pass long the feedback. Maybe this feedback will help you land the man or woman of your dreams that you meet in line at Starbucks a week later!
SF: What is going on in the world of Simply Matchmaking these days? If someone reads this interview and is interested in working with you, what should she or he know?
AM: We are excited to extend a special offer of a discounted membership rate of $199 for females now through Valentine’s Day (Wednesday, February 14, 2018) if you reference this Vibe Elevated blog post. This is a one-time fee and there will be no additional fees due in the future. Plus, this $199 secures you a lifetime membership.
We are also running a special for young professional males under the age of 30. We have a special going on starting as low as $500--please inquire with us to find out what this entails and note: this does not expire! Don’t forget to mention you heard about us on the Vibe Elevated blog!
Our incredibly diverse client base is inclusive of straight, gay, bisexual and transgender males and females from a variety of nationalities, professional industries, religions, socioeconomic statuses, and ages ranging from 21 to 80 years old.
While we are based in Seattle we do service men and women who are located anywhere in the country, but most commonly our client base is in the Pacific Northwest. We do have partnerships with matchmakers all over the country, so if anyone outside of the PNW is interested in working with us, please contact me!
Also, if you want to keep up with us, please follow our blog which you can check out here: https://www.simplymatchmaking.com/insights
To learn more about Simply Matchmaking, visit them on the web at www.simplymatchmaking.com