Breakups today are so different than they were even ten years ago because of social media. If you end amicably, fine, remain friends on social. But, if there’s anything you think is going to hold you back, make you too emotional, or feel compelled to be a little stalker-ish, I think cutting ties on social media is a smart thing to do. Your presence on social media post-breakup can really affect your own journey and your ability to move forward in life.
SF: What advice would you give the person who feels like they fall into the trap of always dating the same type of people even if they appear to be totally different at first?
AM: The heart wants what the heart wants. Everyone is responsible for their own choices--everything in life is choice. You can write down your list and look at it morning, noon, and night, but it’s your choice to abide by it and follow through with it. Everyone will reach the point in life where they are ready to date the right kind of person for them if they have a pattern for dating the wrong person.
There is not a friend or family member who can direct you to that--you have to want it for yourself and be strong enough to make that choice. If you hold out for the right person and wait for the one who meets what you wrote down on your list, you can pay closest attention to what you do not want to repeat. You’ll never find someone with everything on your list, so stay focused on what’s most important to you.
SF: In a world of millions of online dating platforms, why should people consider working with a matchmaker?
AM: I can only speak to Simply Matchmaking because I’ve never worked for another matchmaking company. Simply Matchmaking is a personalized experience and the value of working with a matchmaker at Simply Matchmaking is that you know there are people at our firm who are going to sit down and deeply get to know you. They’re going to learn all about who you are as a person (think surface level like degrees, lifestyle, hobbies) to tell me about your past relationships--why it ended, what about it was good?
You’ll set your preferences (age range, personalities you jive with best), deal breakers, ethnicity, etc. It’s a very personalized experience of getting to know you. Our biggest focus is on quality dates over quantity--we are not a dating service. With online dating, there are millions of platforms like you said, so eliminating the amount of dates you have to go on to find the people who are compatible for you is our goal.
We still have a lot of people who come to us and want to pay a lot of money and go on tons of dates, but do you really want to do that? You pay us to sift through the pool for you and find mutually agreeable criteria. For example, if you want kids and find someone on Tinder, you may go on dates for two months before you realize your goals are not aligned. That’s one of the benefits of working with a matchmaker--we’re not going to waste your time with people who are not compatible or are not seeking the same things as you.
Religion is a big one--if there’s a certain religion you are not open to--let’s say you’re Catholic but seeking a Jewish man--we would take all of that into consideration. We go into the past. For example, if your ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic, we’ll avoid someone who leans a little heavy on the drinking. The benefit for you is that you put your valuable energy into spending time with people who are hopefully going to be a better fit for you versus whomever you’d meet online. It’s so easy to go on multiple dates with people you meet online and you can really get burnt out.
The last piece that I’ll add to this--and again, this is only speaking to my experience with Simply Matchmaking--is that the thing we hear our clients love the most about working with us is the specific feedback they get after each date. If you go on a date with someone from Match.com and you had an awesome time and you follow up with a text, call, etc. but the person ghosted you, you’ll never know what happened or how you can improve next time. [Note: If your’re not familiar, ghosting essentially means the person you’ve been dating and/or speaking to just disappears out of thin air without any explanation.]
We’re here to coach people, not just set them up on dates, so we’ll pass along constructive feedback from your date. We’re not here to hurt feelings, we’re here to help. People will consistently share with us that the feedback they received was life-changing and incredibly helpful. They learn so much about themselves through the experience and they can even apply that feedback to everyday life, not just in their dating life. These things could annoy friends or colleagues but you’d only know about it because someone called it out on a date and we were able to graciously pass long the feedback. Maybe this feedback will help you land the man or woman of your dreams that you meet in line at Starbucks a week later!
SF: What is going on in the world of Simply Matchmaking these days? If someone reads this interview and is interested in working with you, what should she or he know?
AM: We are excited to extend a special offer of a discounted membership rate of $199 for females now through Valentine’s Day (Wednesday, February 14, 2018) if you reference this Vibe Elevated blog post. This is a one-time fee and there will be no additional fees due in the future. Plus, this $199 secures you a lifetime membership.
We are also running a special for young professional males under the age of 30. We have a special going on starting as low as $500--please inquire with us to find out what this entails and note: this does not expire! Don’t forget to mention you heard about us on the Vibe Elevated blog!
Our incredibly diverse client base is inclusive of straight, gay, bisexual and transgender males and females from a variety of nationalities, professional industries, religions, socioeconomic statuses, and ages ranging from 21 to 80 years old.
While we are based in Seattle we do service men and women who are located anywhere in the country, but most commonly our client base is in the Pacific Northwest. We do have partnerships with matchmakers all over the country, so if anyone outside of the PNW is interested in working with us, please contact me!
Also, if you want to keep up with us, please follow our blog which you can check out here: https://www.simplymatchmaking.com/insights
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